这怎么办啊

zhè zěn me bàn a

What should I do?

唉我那个头套呢

āi wǒ nà gè tóu tào ne

Hey, where is my hood?

啊 在这

a zài zhè

Ah here

醒醒 醒醒

xǐng xǐng xǐng xǐng

Wake up, wake up

妈呀！

mā ya ！

Oh my god!

衣服都睡偏了

yī fú dōu shuì piān le

My clothes are all on the side

我是上帝 今天我...喂 别心不在焉的

wǒ shì shàng dì jīn tiān wǒ ... wèi bié xīn bù zài yān de

I am God. Today I...Hey, don't be distracted.

哦我死了啊 吓死 还以为是皮特在拍我

ó wǒ sǐ le a xià sǐ hái yǐ wéi shì pí tè zài pāi wǒ

Oh, I'm dead. I was scared to death. I thought it was Pete filming me.

皮特？

pí tè ？

Pete?

我领导 跟你声音一样 唧唧歪歪的

wǒ lǐng dǎo gēn nǐ shēng yīn yī yàng jī jī wāi wāi de

My boss has the same voice as yours.

那么这是..天堂? 怎么像我平时办公的地…

nà me zhè shì .. tiān táng ? zěn me xiàng wǒ píng shí bàn gōng de dì …

So this is... paradise? How is it like my usual office...

因为你还没有死 我这次来是为了告诉你一个秘密

yīn wèi nǐ hái méi yǒu sǐ wǒ zhè cì lái shì wèi le gào sù nǐ yí gè mì mì

Because you are not dead yet. I am here to tell you a secret.

人生毫无意义 对吧

rén shēng háo wú yì yì duì ba

Life is meaningless, right?

这用你告诉啊

zhè yòng nǐ gào sù a

You don’t have to tell me this

我ppt还没做完呢

wǒ ppt hái méi zuò wán ne

I haven’t finished the ppt yet

管你是上帝还是来唱戏

guǎn nǐ shì shàng dì hái shì lái chàng xì

Whether you are God or you are here to sing

真的上帝能知晓他面前的人的小心思

zhēn de shàng dì néng zhī xiǎo tā miàn qián de rén de xiǎo xīn sī

True God can know the little thoughts of the people in front of him

此时此刻我在想什么 你倒是讲讲听

cǐ shí cǐ kè wǒ zài xiǎng shén me nǐ dǎo shì jiǎng jiǎng tīng

What am I thinking about at this moment? You should tell me.

呃..下班

è .. xià bān

Uh...get off work

哇

wa

Wow

休假

xiū jià

Vacation

哇

wa

Wow

你真是上帝？ 现在呢？

nǐ zhēn shì shàng dì ？ xiàn zài ne ？

Are you really God? What now?

干饭 涨薪

gān fàn zhǎng xīn

Work hard and get a salary increase

年终奖金

nián zhōng jiǎng jīn

Year-end bonus

诶呦我的好上帝啊你真是人类肚里的蛔虫

éi yōu wǒ de hǎo shàng dì a nǐ zhēn shì rén lèi dù lǐ de huí chóng

Oh, my good God, you are really a roundworm in the human belly.

比起你 我领导皮特的脑子顶多就算个陪同

bǐ qǐ nǐ wǒ lǐng dǎo pí tè de nǎo zi dǐng duō jiù suàn gè péi tóng

Compared to you, my leader Pete’s brain is at best a companion.

不听劝 耳瞎嘴聋 但我也得从

bù tīng quàn ěr xiā zuǐ lóng dàn wǒ yě dé cóng

I will be blind and deaf if I don’t listen to advice, but I have to follow it

可他又从不把我放在眼里 我像个劣质美瞳

kě tā yòu cóng bù bǎ wǒ fàng zài yǎn lǐ wǒ xiàng gè liè zhì měi tóng

But he never takes me seriously. I’m like inferior contact lenses.

先让我..

xiān ràng wǒ ..

Let me first...

哎我有搞不懂的问题 他让我自己去想

āi wǒ yǒu gǎo bù dǒng de wèn tí tā ràng wǒ zì jǐ qù xiǎng

Hey, I have a problem that I don’t understand. He asked me to think about it myself.

我自己想出来的方案 他说别自作主张

wǒ zì jǐ xiǎng chū lái de fāng àn tā shuō bié zì zuò zhǔ zhāng

The plan I came up with on my own He said don’t make your own decisions

微信问他“您更喜欢哪个版本？”

wēi xìn wèn tā “ nín gèng xǐ huān něi gè bǎn běn ？”

WeChat asked him "Which version do you prefer?"

点击发送

diǎn jī fā sòng

Click to send

三天之后的一个下午 他回了我句“好的”

sān tiān zhī hòu de yí gè xià wǔ tā huí le wǒ jù “ hǎo de ”

One afternoon three days later, he replied to me "Okay"

整的我脑瓜子疼

zhěng de wǒ nǎo guā zi téng

It makes my head hurt.

盯着屏幕咬牙

dīng zhe píng mù yǎo yá

Staring at the screen and gritting teeth

如果时光能被倒拉

rú guǒ shí guāng néng bèi dào lā

If time could be pulled back

我宁愿重回到大学上早八

wǒ nìng yuàn zhòng huí dào dà xué shàng zǎo bā

I would rather go back to college and go to school early in the morning

我老妈都看我头发少的夸张 搞得她...

wǒ lǎo mā dōu kàn wǒ tóu fà shǎo de kuā zhāng gǎo dé tā ...

My mother thinks that my hair is too short, which makes her...

好了停停停

hǎo le tíng tíng tíng

Okay stop stop stop

你讨厌皮特 不用 tm一直重复表达

nǐ tǎo yàn pí tè bù yòng tm yì zhí chóng fù biǎo dá

You hate Pete, don’t keep repeating it

我呢 在天堂关注你关注的也是挺早

wǒ ne zài tiān táng guān zhù nǐ guān zhù de yě shì tǐng zǎo

It’s quite early for me to follow you in heaven.

你的品行和为人吧 我心中也都清楚明了

nǐ de pǐn xíng hé wéi rén ba wǒ xīn zhōng yě dōu qīng chǔ míng liǎo

Your conduct and behavior are all clear to me.

所以 给你个机会 今天午夜前辞职

suǒ yǐ gěi nǐ gè jī huì jīn tiān wǔ yè qián cí zhí

So I’ll give you a chance to resign before midnight today

等你死后我在天堂上就让你当个领导

děng nǐ sǐ hòu wǒ zài tiān táng shàng jiù ràng nǐ dāng gè lǐng dǎo

After you die, I will make you a leader in heaven

领导？那我以后就是天堂的皮特了！

lǐng dǎo ？ nà wǒ yǐ hòu jiù shì tiān táng de pí tè le ！

Leader? Then I will be Pete in heaven from now on!

对 你叫特皮都行

duì nǐ jiào tè pí dōu xíng

Yes, you can call me Tepi

特皮？

tè pí ？

Tepi?

特皮！

tè pí ！

Tepi!

嘿！

hēi ！

Hey!

拿着天堂的薪资坐在领导的位置

ná zhe tiān táng de xīn zī zuò zài lǐng dǎo de wèi zhì

Sitting in the leadership position with a salary from heaven

还会嫌大餐贵？

hái huì xián dà cān guì ？

Still think that a big meal is expensive?

还在乎加班费？

hái zài hū jiā bān fèi ？

Still care about overtime pay?

从今天以后你就安心地度过你下半辈子

cóng jīn tiān yǐ hòu nǐ jiù ān xīn dì dù guò nǐ xià bàn bèi zi

From today on, you can spend the rest of your life with peace of mind

毕竟在你死后你就能躺在天堂的沙滩睡

bì jìng zài nǐ sǐ hòu nǐ jiù néng tǎng zài tiān táng de shā tān shuì

After all, after you die you can sleep on the beach in paradise

风吹过 花瓣飞 云海里的大扇贝

fēng chuī guò huā bàn fēi yún hǎi lǐ de dà shàn bèi

The wind blows, the petals fly, the big scallop in the sea of clouds

我们时间很紧 来在这签下单位的辞职信…

wǒ men shí jiān hěn jǐn lái zài zhè qiān xià dān wèi de cí zhí xìn …

We are very pressed for time. Come and sign the resignation letter from the company...

Woo挺好 扇贝提神醒脑

Woo tǐng hǎo shàn bèi tí shén xǐng nǎo

Woo is good. Scallops are refreshing.

不瞒你说 你画的饼确实比皮特画的饼好

bù mán nǐ shuō nǐ huà de bǐng què shí bǐ pí tè huà de bǐng hǎo

To tell you the truth, the cake you drew is indeed better than the cake painted by Pete.

但没用了！

dàn méi yòng le ！

But it’s useless!

我已不会再被这种话术引导

wǒ yǐ bú huì zài bèi zhè zhǒng huà shù yǐn dǎo

I will no longer be guided by this kind of rhetoric

你要晓得 几年前

nǐ yào xiǎo de jǐ nián qián

You need to know a few years ago

我连屏保都是我领导

wǒ lián píng bǎo dōu shì wǒ lǐng dǎo

Even the screensaver is my boss

皮特当时说 只要你勤劳

pí tè dāng shí shuō zhǐ yào nǐ qín láo

Peter said at the time that as long as you work hard

不出两年你就领跑

bù chū liǎng nián nǐ jiù lǐng pǎo

You will be the leader within two years

名车 名表

míng chē míng biǎo

Luxury cars and watches

成为公司的凤毛麟角

chéng wéi gōng sī de fèng máo lín jiǎo

It’s rare to become a company

五年过去了 掉了多少头发 流了多少泪

wǔ nián guò qù le diào le duō shǎo tóu fà liú le duō shǎo lèi

Five years have passed. How many hairs have been lost and how many tears have been shed.

不还是没有属于自己的时间

bù hái shì méi yǒu shǔ yú zì jǐ de shí jiān

No, I still don’t have time for myself

每天骑着个小电瓶跑

měi tiān qí zhe gè xiǎo diàn píng pǎo

Ride a small battery every day

那你快去辞职去换个你喜欢的工作啊

nà nǐ kuài qù cí zhí qù huàn gè nǐ xǐ huān de gōng zuò a

Then resign and find a job you like.

我喜欢的？那我辞职了你来养活我啊

wǒ xǐ huān de ？ nà wǒ cí zhí le nǐ lái yǎng huó wǒ a

What do I like? Then I resign and you come to support me.

我让地狱来聘请你吧你太能折磨人了

wǒ ràng dì yù lái pìn qǐng nǐ ba nǐ tài néng zhé mó rén le

I'll let hell hire you. You're so torturous.

那不必了

nà bù bì le

That’s not necessary

这个地狱已经够让我上火了

zhè gè dì yù yǐ jīng gòu ràng wǒ shàng huǒ le

This hell is enough to make me angry

靠！不闹了！

kào ！ bù nào le ！

Damn! Stop making trouble!

看这是个头套

kàn zhè shì gè tóu tào

Look this is a hood

公司面临头号危机 现在你必须走掉

gōng sī miàn lín tóu hào wēi jī xiàn zài nǐ bì xū zǒu diào

The company is facing the number one crisis, now you have to leave

你变成皮特也没有用 怎么变脸还得手动？

nǐ biàn chéng pí tè yě méi yǒu yòng zěn me biàn liǎn hái dé shǒu dòng ？

It’s no use turning into Pete. Why do you have to do it manually to change your face?

我就是皮特

wǒ jiù shì pí tè

I am Pete

我才不信呢

wǒ cái bù xìn ne

I don’t believe it

我是你领导

wǒ shì nǐ lǐng dǎo

I am your leader

领导个屁的

lǐng dǎo gè pì de

The leader is a piece of shit

你要我怎么证明

nǐ yào wǒ zěn me zhèng míng

How do you want me to prove it?

今天上午的会 小马针对哪几点做了汇报

jīn tiān shàng wǔ de huì xiǎo mǎ zhēn duì nǎ jǐ diǎn zuò le huì bào

What points did Xiao Ma report on in this morning’s meeting?

呃..

è ..

Uh...

小赵的方案一共改了几版 有几版对照

xiǎo zhào de fāng àn yī gòng gǎi le jǐ bǎn yǒu jǐ bǎn duì zhào

How many versions of Xiao Zhao’s plan have been revised and how many versions have been compared?

呃..

è ..

Uh...

我微信问你的问题你还要多久时间去推敲

wǒ wēi xìn wèn nǐ de wèn tí nǐ hái yào duō jiǔ shí jiān qù tuī qiāo

How long do you need to think about the question I asked you on WeChat?

呃..

è ..

Uh...

董事长老婆的生日…

dǒng shì zhǎng lǎo pó de shēng rì …

The birthday of the chairman’s wife…

农历四月初八公历五月二十六号！

nóng lì sì yuè chū bā gōng lì wǔ yuè èr shí liù hào ！

The eighth day of the fourth lunar month is the twenty-sixth day of the fifth month in the Gregorian calendar!

别废话了！在这 给我签字！

bié fèi huà le ！ zài zhè gěi wǒ qiān zì ！

Stop talking nonsense! Sign it for me here!

微信语音：小马 我们部门有人辞职 你趁十二点前现在赶紧操作一下把他踢出员工系统 我现在把他的辞职信发给你

wēi xìn yǔ yīn ： xiǎo mǎ wǒ men bù mén yǒu rén cí zhí nǐ chèn shí èr diǎn qián xiàn zài gǎn jǐn cāo zuò yī xià bǎ tā tī chū yuán gōng xì tǒng wǒ xiàn zài bǎ tā de cí zhí xìn fā gěi nǐ

WeChat voice: Xiao Ma, someone in our department has resigned. You can quickly kick him out of the employee system before twelve o'clock. I will send you his resignation letter now.

微信语音：皮特哥 谁是特皮啊

wēi xìn yǔ yīn ： pí tè gē shuí shì tè pí a

WeChat voice: Brother Pete, who is Pete?

友情客串：大鹏&白客

yǒu qíng kè chuàn ： dà péng & bái kè

Friendly guest appearance: Dapeng & Baike

执行制作人：飞行少年

zhí xíng zhì zuò rén ： fēi xíng shào nián

Executive Producer: Flying Boy

混音： DX肖夏

hùn yīn ： DX xiào xià

Mixing: DX Xiao Xia

母带： Dokodemo Door Music（ CDC）

mǔ dài ： Dokodemo Door Music（ CDC）

Mother: Dokodemo Door Music (CDC)